Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Sitting in drawing class the other day I started thinking about how there is a dichotomy (not sure if that's the right word) in how people perceive their wanting to belong to a group and wanting to be an individual. I know how powerful it can be to want to be part of a group. You would think that would be mutually exclusive from wanting to be unique, an individual. Art majors tend to want to at least look unique and be unique in other ways. But yet they might also want to be part of the "art crowd". I always think of myself as pretty unique and proud of it most of the time but at the same time I feel these pangs of not belonging to anything. Watching an old episode of Friends last night, Monica was telling Ross how his fiancee had been planning and dreaming of the perfect wedding since she was five. This sort of standard woman thing has never applied to me. I've never dreamed of perfect weddings or a certain number of children and I never have long conversations about makeup or hair or clothes so when I see things like this I feel like since I don't do these things I don't belong to the "standard woman" group. Some days it makes me wonder why I don't like these things and why I'm not "right". Other days I'm glad I'm not concerned with such things. You can spend a lot of money for something that doesn't give much satisfaction. It's hard to ignore the pull of outside things and ideas about how other people think you should behave. I guess I'm just trying to find myself.